Running a little late with my Oscars fashion hits and misses because of real life stuff that’s kept me busy. But I wasn’t so busy that I didn’t notice how everyone really BROUGHT IT to the Oscars red carpet this year. There was some gorgeous stuff, and some truly heinous stuff, but first and foremost, there was Jared Leto channeling Jesus:
But first, did you bring your formal unitard onesie? Solange sure did!
Zoe Saldana came straight from her adult ballet concert, I see. I much preferred what she wore to the afterparty. It was chic, understated and the monochromes were much more striking:
Scarlett Johansson seems to have crawled up through pond scum that’s stuck to her neck. I love the colour of the dress, but the neck mould really kills it for me.
Rosamund Pike looked AMAZING. This was almost my best dressed. I love the texture, and the fabric at the cinched waist. Even the delicate red strappy shoes are lovely (notice how everyone did the matching shoe colour this year? I kind of loved it).
Reese Witherspoon looked so effortless and chic. My only complaint is that I think she needed more formal make up (a darker lip colour in particular), and maybe some bigger hair. But seriously, the woman looks pretty flawless in the two toned dress. The black gives it structure without being too heavy. Love it.
Queen Oprah is suffering some serious boob smushage, but I thought she looked lovely. Rouching is always flattering, especially on curvy women, and her loose hair and big earrings seem casual but suit the look perfectly.
Naomi Watts is doing herself a disservice by wearing her formal sports bra. If this dress went all around her torso sides and was just backless I would love it. The silver and black texture is really cool and contemporary, but the bra business ruins it for me.
Margot Robbie is flawless. This formal Morticia Addams look is kind of what Eva Longoria kept trying to do after her marriage ended, and she looked nice, but it was obvious that she was Trying. Margot looks effortless – I think it’s the sheer sleeves and loose, plunging neckline that give that impression. The lip colour and necklace are making me green with envy. She is gorgeous. GORGEOUS.
Lorelai Linklater: Nope. too much going on and every time I see her I want to scream at my television “STAND UP STRAIGHT!” Also, I think Behati Prinsloo and Bee Shaffer executed this in a much, much better way:
Laura Dern is basically wearing a formal suit of armour and I love it. Edgy and slick, but she looked so stylish. I mean, who else could carry this off? I know I would basically look like a steel elephant if I tried this. Although I wanted to brush that damn bit of hair out of her face every time I saw her.
Keira Knightly needs to stop wearing empire waisted gowns NOW. Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you have to wear a tent. There are surely better options that don’t look like curtains YET AGAIN.
I had such high hopes for Julianne Moore after her stunning Golden Globes gown. This is…not great. Drop waists are so hard to carry off, and this looks like it doesn’t fit her torso properly. Plus the texture looks like grade two art project made with tissue paper and shiny cardboard. I loved her hair, and I’m so glad she won, but considering this is CUSTOM CHANEL, it leaves me feeling cold.
Jennifer Hudson is nailing it with short hair. This yellow is fabulous on her, and the slight peplum gives it a bit of pizazz around the waist when it could have been a fairly plain column dress. I love it!
Jenna Dewn-Tatum looked beautiful, and I love this wrap dress with the smattering of silver sparkle. It’s another effortlessly chic gown and came close to being my best dressed as well.
Guys, do I like this? DO I? I really don’t know. I love the colour on her, and the sleeve is fabulous, but I kind of wish it had two sleeves. But that could just be my love of symmetry. I don’t know. I just have feelings about that shoulder rose and they are still confusing me two days later.
Like her Golden Globes dress, I really, really wish this was a column dress in the same texture as the bodice. And like Zoe Saldana, I much preferred what Felicity wore to the after party. This grey number is a little debutante gone mad on the bottom and drags her down a bit. Plus, how freaking heavy would this have been to wear? And do not even get me started on how hard it would have been to go to the toilet in it. These are the things I think about, people. My brain: welcome to it.
Faith Hill was another simple, elegant, neutral, beaded gown lady and I loved it. I don’t love her with short hair, but this dress looks really comfortable and you all know how I love a long-sleeved gown.
Okay, Emma Stone’s dress is another one I have Feelings about. At first, I hated it. I saw it and thought “Seventy year old divorcee at a wedding or possibly a figure skater who’s forgotten to take her dress up.” But then I saw it again yesterday. And then I saw it again today. And now I kind of really like it on her. It’s different enough without being too bizarre, and compared to the 1920s ill-fitting ensemble she wore to the after party, this chartreuse number is beautiful.
Chloe Grace Moretz is sampling the curtains look as well, and did you know she had pockets in her dress? Seriously, didya? Because she didn’t take her hands out of them ALL NIGHT. Your dress has pockets. WE GET IT. EYEROLLING SO HARD RIGHT NOW.
Anna Faris sometimes wears things that are slightly odd, but she nailed it tonight. And her hubby thinks so too. She looks a bit evening gown Barbie, but it’s working.
Jessica Chastain = Best Dressed. This is old Hollywood bombshell glamour right here. I love it.
Now, I have a serious question. Where does everyone go to get changed for the after parties? Are the parties in the same hotel vicinity as the theatre and they all have rooms there? Or is there some kind of massive communal change room out the back of the theatre like in a Kookai factory outlet shop where a bunch of women stand around in their undies rapidly disrobing and pulling on clothes as fast as they can? These are serious questions that I MUST HAVE ANSWERED.
So, who were your best and worst dressed? Hit me up in the comments!
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