Well, today’s Oscar’s red carpet was particularly beige, wasn’t it? Barely any colour, which was really disappointing! But first:
Has anyone seen Pharrell’s skateboard? He *thinks* he left it wherever he left his giant ass hat, most likely over at Liza Minelli’s place last night at her pre-Oscars party, but really, who knows. Just text him if you find it, okay? He needs to get to the Vanity Fair party ASAP so he can DJ and he keeps blaming his overly awkward looking date for losing it and she’s kind of over it.
1. Margot Robbie: She looks amazing as a brunette, and while the front of this dress is a bit plain, the back has an awesome sparkly bow that makes the gown. I really love that feature on an otherwise plain dress.
2. Anne Hathaway: I don’t know why but I am surprised she’s sticking with the short hair. No idea why, because it does look lovely on her, but I just imagine her with long hair. The dress makes her look so svelte and contemporary, but I just don’t know how I feel about a dress that has what I feel like is basically decoratively crafted tinsel flakes.
3. Julia Roberts: I love the idea of black lace in theory, but I feel like nothing can ever live up to the absolute work of art Cate Blanchett wore at the Golden Globes. This dress seems like in person it would be kind of frumpy and ultimately disappointing. Much like the way I imagine August: Ossage County would be. BOOM. I SAID IT. Just because Meryl Streep is in something doesn’t make it good, people. SORRY.
4. Emma Watson: My favourite of the black gowns. Youthful and sexy, but doesn’t rely on revealing too much skin or too much sparkle to make it stand out. I love this on her!
These are all basically the same dress with varying amounts of fabric, yes?
1. Jada Pinkett-Smith: Mrs. Fresh Prince isn’t one I normally take much notice of on red carpets. Or anywhere really. But I do think this shade of peachy pink is lovely on her, and the style is perfectly cut for her shape. I could live without the over the shoulder trailing scarf thing, mostly because I feel like it is SO nineties, but I feel like if she traveled everywhere with a wind machine for the whole night it would look freaking awesome blowing in the wind.
2. Camila Alves: I…did not like this when I saw it at first. Now? I think I’m coming around to it. I still think it has way too much fabric over her side, almost like she was lying in bed waiting for Matthew to finish his bongo drum chant and rolled out so quickly that her bedsheet came with her, but the colour is just perfect. It would wash out so many other people, but she just looks stunning.
3. Penelope Cruz: The worst of the three. Matronly and a wee bit dated looking. The potential is there, but get rid of the fabric she’s hauling over her arm and streamline things a bit. No one needs to look like they’re going to the high school formal in 1997.
1. Jennifer Garner: Standing perfectly still, this looked nice. In motion the way it is above, it’s just a bit off for me. You know she wanted to wear it so she could swish swish swish it around all night like this, and honestly, who wouldn’t want to do that all night? Pretty much every four year old to every eighty year old, right? But when you see underneath the fringe it’s just a silver satin dress. I just feel like it’s so very blah at the bottom, sort of like something someone would make if Project Runway met Tori Spelling’s Craft Wars (yes, that is an actual show). She needs to wear more colour. Hair and make up are lovely though.
2. Kate Hudson: Svelte and just the right amount of plunge in the neckline. Actually, I would close it up a tad, but that’s just me. The almost-a-cape-but-not-really-a-cape is fine too. I could live with out it (sorry, universe, I just can’t get on board the cape train, no matter how awesome it’s supposed to look. NO CAPE TRAIN FOR ME), and I loooove the rouching. LOVE IT. She looks gorgeous!
3. Angelina Jolie: I thought this was silver at first, but now I see it and it’s really more gold. But I also just saw a different picture and it looks silver again. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, FABRIC. I just think it looks so lovely and stylish on her, and for once I enjoy her simple, elegant hair and make up. My only nitpick is the way it looks kind of loose around the waist, but she’s Angelina Jolie in a sparkly gold/neutral gown and it looks amazeballs on her, so there’s nothing really else to say!
1. Julie Delpy: I really like this, even with the slightly bat-winged sleeves. The detailing in the centre looks like a vintage brooch and she is rocking the old-school Hollywood glamour look. Really, really pretty!
2. Jenna Dewan-Tatum: MamaMia tweeted that Cate Blanchett is the “ONLY ONE” who can rock a neutral sparkly dress. Um, no she isn’t? There are hundreds of women who have worn them in the past and looked gorgeous, and there will be hundreds more in the future. I think Jenna Dewan-Tatum’s (say that three times fast) gown is a great mixing of textures and DISPROVES MAMAMIA’S THEORY in the extreme. What do you guys think?
3. Cate Blanchett: My favourite of the neutral/sparkly gowns, but it was a tough decision. You know her stylist was like “You’re going to win, you HAVE to wear gold!!” She radiates and looks really beautiful. But then she’s always been someone who could also do the old Hollywood glamour so effortlessly.
Colour Me Awesome
1. Jennifer Lawrence: Did everyone just breathe a collective sigh of relief when JLaw showed up in this? Thank God we didn’t have another bed sheet duct tape nightmare. I love, love, love this colour, and I don’t even mind the peplum. I don’t love the hair, I think it ages her, but the look overall is a winner. Almost my best dress. ALMOST……but not quite. I feel like it’s a tad long and could have been hemmed a bit better, but that’s just my inner fear of tripping over my maxi skirts coming through.
2. Lupita Nyong’o: Pale blue is so, so lovely on her. She could totally borrow Jada’s wind machine to keep this skirt blowing around behind her all night, right? You know it’s the kind of skirt that would billow around dramatically while revealing nothing too intimate because there’s just so much soft fabric. I do not approve of the matching headband though. An unnecessary addition.
3. Gabourey Sidibe: This colour. THIS COLOUR. Why was there not more colour like this? The cut and texture are so flattering on her without being too busy. And I freaking love a dress with sleeves. LOVE IT.
1. Amy Adams: She was also almost my best dressed, but I really find her hair too severe and the accessories too minimal. I mean, can I get a bracelet up in there? Or a necklace? I think she’s wearing earrings, but they really aren’t that visible to me. A dress can often speak for itself, but this dress is not one of those. It’s a beautiful gown and the colour is lovely, but I just feel like she’s some missing sparklies somewhere. Someone call Harry Winston ASAP.
2. Sandra Bullock: I had a very specific dream this morning that Sandra Bullock wore a strapless dress that was black on top and this EXACT BLUE on the bottom and that she won. You can imagine my excitement when she turned up in midnight blue. If she’d won, I would have had legitimate proof that I can see into the future! Anyway, she didn’t win and I am not psychic, but the good news is that Sandy looks stunning. The dress, while not risky at all, is sheer elegance. The colour is beautiful and I have serious hair envy.
Liza Minnelli: You can tell her aforementioned pre-Oscars party was a doozy, because she obviously lost all her bras. You know people had a good time when the hostess shows up to a red carpet in satin pyjamas, an ombre blue streak in her hair. and nipples that are pointing in completely opposite directions. I like to think the hair is courtesy of Jared Leto. Like, can you imagine them in the bathroom and she has a towel around her shoulders while Jared streaks her hair wearing those plastic gloves that come in home hair dye kits? You know THIS HAPPENED. The rest of the ensemble and lack of sufficient underclothing? Totally Ms. Minnelli’s own doing.
1. Kerry Washington: I love the colour on her, and the fact that she can make wearing maternity formalwear look so effortless and COMFORTABLE is a massive win in my book. You just know she is feeling super chuffed about the lack of waistband. I would be too. Super pretty and the hair, make up and accessories all just work. Maybe she could lend Amy one of her bracelets?
2. Maria Menounos: Maria has always worn really gorgeous stuff. I feel like she never gets enough credit because she’s a TV host, so she gets mushed in with the other people who try waaaaay too hard, but this dress is just perfect. Despite it being yet another neutral, sparkly number, she just looks absolutely stunning. The casual up do and the dark nails keep it less formal and more youthful, and her accessories are so perfect. I loved it straight away and hours later, I still can’t find anything else that ticks all the boxes. Well done Ms. M!
Who were your best/worst dressed?
Until next time,Share this post: